I woke up...

I woke up, and you wernt there...
I woke up, and looked at my phone...
5:55 it said...
You told me you'd text before you go to work...
I kinda thought you'd text me on the way to work...
So where is this text of yours? So I sent you one...
No response, so I sent another,...
It just didnt feel right, so yet again, I sent another, wondering why I didnt wake up to a text from you.
Texts in the morning make me feel that your next to me, saying 'good morning'
And when I wake up to nothing, I feel like your not there.
So I ended up calling you, and your phone says it was either turned off, because its lost, or your out of the area....
So I thought 'where could he be that he has no service? He cant be in the mountains, because he would have told me'
If he was on his break.... wouldnt he have gotten someone else's phone just to text me to say he is alright?
Or am I thinking too much of him?
I guess im just worried...
Am I acting 'too' worried?
I guess Im just sad that I have to go a day without talking to him, without knowing he is ok...

I miss him, and the way things used to be...
Im selfish, wanting so much attention from him, wanting him to give me all his attention...
But than again, he gets 'worried' when I made a new friend...
so I guess in a way we're on the same path...

And than I think even more....
Thinking that I did something wrong, and he decided to turn his phone off, or change his number...
And that out of nowhere he decided that he didnt want to be with me, because of the abortion conversation...

or maybe your upset at me, because of something else I said yesterday...
or something I did...

maybe my dream made you realize something.... that maybe you dont really want to be with me...
maybe your really mad about the modeling thing...

but than I think... 'he is not like other guys, he wouldnt do that to me... he loves me just as much as I love him'

And than I think that you just want your space...
but than I think... 'everyone else's phone doesnt have service there so he cant get ahold of me'
And than I think 'how is he going to get home? I wish to ask his mom where he was dropped off at'
but than I think Im worrying too much
And maybe you dont find that attractive when a girl worries too much...

I just want to keep calling you....
Im going crazy not knowing if your alright....

Is there something wrong with me?
Why do I think so much more than other people?
or do other people think as much as I do? Just dont show it?

Im still afraid that you'll want to leave me....
I still have nightmares...
And the one the other night,... I saw your face so clearly... it felt so real...
Im glad that I woke up before you could say the words....
but I hear them in my head...
And I could still see your face...
You looked sad, but you looked sure....
I hope I never have to hear those words.
I love you with all my heart.

I hope today goes well for you, and I hope your safe.
Im off to get that tutu....
I wish you could tell me the best way to get there,
your mom said its off of sheridan and 52nd...
I want to get it before anyone else does...
my dad gave me $100 for SCA stuff....
he wants to come with me later to get costumes there.... but im not gonna tell him I got the tutu

anyways, I love you babe.
and miss you so much