Morning

I feel like I still havnt gotten enough sleep.
Lastnight I went to Erin's house to help her clean if she could help me do something...
Yea, we never did it. I helped her clean, than we got pizza and JD and he decided he was gonna pop pills, so I just decided I wanted to leave because what I wanted to do was never gonna be done.

You didnt seem worried about me about not texting back, or being home or anything.
And you seemed more bummed out that chicka didnt go than me not going lol =p
But oh well. >.< Dont really care.
Glad you had a fun night tho.
I still wanna use that stupid red tutu I got so we could finally go dressed in your favorite color but since there wont be another rave till like summer time, I might as well just put it away somewhere.

Anyways, I wanna get you something for christmas, but idk what really =[
That just makes me sad because that makes me sound like I dont know you enough to know what to get you. But than again its always easy to get something for girls, cause they always talk about stuff they want.
I mean I might know what to get you, but idk if you'd really actually like it or use it, so idk if I wanna buy it haha.

And I wanna get something for piper too!!! But idk what to get him either =[
Except tennis balls which you said you had a new thing of tennis balls for him already

So I can see your going back into that insecure state. Which is fine just dont pick a fight with my models. Accept invites to people trying to help rebuild bridges, and I would love if things are settled with star if thats what Paco wants to do, but that doesnt mean you have to ever go back.... but it could probably help me out with everything settled. I havnt told her I knew about anything yet so idk if Im welcome there or not still.

That thing on the 21st we wernt actually invited, they just gave us the flyer, and my dad wants me to try and get ahold of them. its from Sati Ghrimm that girl that always passes out flyers so hopefully we can do it or something.
Are you still gonna do it with my dad? Or was it just a 'in the moment, dont wanna be rude' type thing?


idk why you want me to make blogs so bad, or stuff, but I have tried not to write, because Im trying not to feel feelings I guess you could say. But I miss you.... I do.
I miss spending time with you, during the day time, and I miss you coming over to my house, and I miss laying in your arms.... I just miss everything.
I miss being able to tell you I love you without feeling like Im saying it too often, that it's just gonna scare you away...
I really liked how you would tell people 'this is my babe'
Like, it makes me smile.

Im tired of hanging out with you just at night time.... Like you dont want anyone to see us together, but than friday night just like changed everything.... except all my friends saw you with a horrible attitude, but thats ok, cause I still love you, and I know what was REALLY going on, and everyone else doesnt, and I accept, and understand why you were acting the way you were. [even if you could have taken it down a knotch, or not kept yelling 'fuck him' in front of Starr]

I wish you were around more often =/
But I understand and get why your not lol so its all good



So yea! that dream! [btw, did you thinks of me when Matt was on?]
Yea, that dream. I was watching a movie about how the war goes and I just watched that video, and we were in like, some foren country and as soon as I was done watching it, you came into the head quorters or whatever its called, and like laid down with me, and told me you had to leave for war in like 10 minutes and we were already out at war, but I was like a computer tech person or something where I had to work with electronic shit, so I wasnt fighting, but you were, and so we were like laying there till you had to leave, and I just watched that video, so I was scared as all hell, and crying and stuff =[

But than you texted me and woke me up and the dream didnt come back, so im happy.
Oh when I said 'im glad you had fun, sad but glad' I meant like 'sad' that I couldnt go lol
but doesnt matter. guess it was too soon to go do something together like that hm?
Just dont 'surprise me and buy me something if your gonna give it away later on' again.... I would have bought it. So.... if we ever decide to go somewhere ever again, I'll buy my own ticket from now on... I didnt go off and sell your ticket so yea xD
But again, thats the past, lastnight, I dont give a shit anymore, just a forwarning if we're ever gonna go out and do something again, I'll just buy it myself =]


Anyways, ima cut my bangs.... I hope I dont mess up =/
Cause if I mess up on my hair, this is what i'll probably say if I hate it THAT much 'My hair is so ugly, your never gonna ask me out ever again'
Or since you wanna 'talk' and im already assuming you dont wanna date again, I'll probably just say 'you'll never wanna look at me again' cause thats what I said last time I hated my bangs... but whenever I cut my bangs myself, they always turned out fine, so I guess they'll probably be fine.


You know, I have never seen so many shooting stars ever... well I might have...
but I have seen like 5 shooting stars in the past week.... or two...
ok, so I have probably seen more shooting stars in one setting.
but still....
I have been wishing on the same thing every single time I've seen one. =/

ok, I think im already talking too much, probably scaring you away again, or making you upset, or whatever.
Im trying to change into a better person so I dont keep scaring people away,.... and cause one day I hope I could become a better person for you too =[



OH JD totally thought deadmau5 <--- [haha, no spell check needed. Awesome] lived in denver lol I was jus like 'nope, he just loves denver oh so much'

anyways,
bye
<3
Mouse