About You

You've seen how much I write about people in my life...
You saw that before we were dating...
Did you expect that I wouldnt write about you?
Of course I would....

So please, would you mind answering these for me?

Are you mad that I write about you?
Do you even 'like' reading my stuff anymore?
I want to know whats on your mind all the time... Do you still wonder whats on my mind?
Are we still a new couple? Or have you grown old of my actions?
Am I on your mind?
Do you listen to songs that remind you of me?


Because I still think about you all the time...
I still dream about you...
I still want to fall asleep in your arms all the time.
I still listen to songs that remind you of me.
I always want to know whats on your mind...
Sometimes I think I talk too much, and might scare you away
I always think I might scare you away.

I smile when you fall asleep next to me, with your hand on my chest...
I smile when you fall asleep on my lap...
I smile when I get to hold you...
But I cry inside because I never want to let you go...

I become sad if I dont know if I'll get to see you
for a day, two, or three...
for an hour or two...
Yes, I'll give you your free time, as I want mine...
But I'll still be sad I dont get to see you, or touch you.

I may seem like every other girl... being so loving, and too clingy, and too needy...
But I play the actions of the heart...
And my heart will show on my face...
I wear my heart on my sleeve.

If I could, I'd write songs for you,...
If I could, I'd sing for you.
I've given you my life...
I've given you my heart.


At one point of time I thought 'I put too much hope into getting a place with him"
But no matter what, I never put 'too much' hope or thought into anything with you.
I will never regret anything with you that made me smile once...
Because everything that happens with me and you, is exactly how I want it to be...
If you get what I mean.

You just make me so happy...
Even though we're two different people, I still love you for who you are.
And I just keep thinking about the past...
Why you would pick a girl like me...
And I hope its not that you found something broken, and thought you'd just try and fix it to say something good about yourself...
I hope that you found me, and found what ever little beauty in me, and fell in love with it.
I hope you found some good, and saw that it could be greater in the future...
I hope that you found love in me, through the eyes of hate...
And saw that I could love a person more than they were ever loved, if they just gave me a chance...

But with everything being so little, it seems to be forgotten... lost,... or turns invisible to someone's eyes after a while...
My hate and anger seems to get in the way...
It seems to overtake...
But it never actually does.
Im sorry it hurts you, and I will, and try to fix that.
But please know,.. it wont just 'go away'
And untill I take classes...
I will either tell you almost every time Im angry...
Or just lock it inside, and smile,... Acting like everythings alright.
I will ignore my heart when it breaks,...
Because right now, I just want us to work...
I want to be there for you... as you've been there for me.
I feel like I have to do more now...
Because when I was there for you, when I was trying to work things out, when I was trying to help,... You didnt seem to notice one bit.
When I sacrifice things for you, you never noticed.
When I did things for you, you've seem to have forgotten them.
As you told Krystal 'she's actually trying 'now'' as if I never tried before...
So everything I did back than... seemed to have gone straight down the drain...
I wouldnt say it was a 'waste' or 'a waste of my time' because everything I do for you is never a waste of time.
But it did turn invisible...
I thank you for everything you do for me...
and I've told you that before...
I always thank you for helping me, supporting me, being there...

But I feel like you just thank me for your smiles.
So now, I will try and prove to you even more, even harder....
Im trying,... I will try...
More than a couple even should try...
And Im ok with that...
Though I think you should accept me for who I am...
Im ok with trying to prove myself to you...
Because I want this to work...
So because I am holding all my anger in, or just 'explaining' to you my anger [which doesnt always work]
Because Im holding it in till I take my classes....
It will build up more and more...

So sometimes there is going to be moments that I will just break down and cry...
or just want to go home, or break things, or rip things up....
But I promise I wont do it around you..
if anything happens around you, it'll be that I just dont feel like talking for an hour or something.


I dont want to be a normal couple anymore... where we get into stupid arguments like little kids...
I never want to be in a relationship, where we have to scream at the top of our lungs...
I want a perfect family, as most girls want.
Im glad to know that you want one too...
I hope it stays that way....
I hope you never change your mind...

I want to be with you forever...
Even if your friends with people who hate me...
and if I hate people your friends with...

However, note it would probably never be like that for you.
I just dont find a reason to put you through that, but than again, I've always been alright with loosing friends.
Its reality.
My reality is that no one is there for me when I really need them.
And face it,... there are, and will be more times you wont be there for me.

And no, Im not trying to make you feel guilty or anything...
But if you want this relationship to work, I will speak my mind when I want, and when I feel like it...
No more miss communications...
The only time I will hold back, and lock my anger inside, is when Im not angry at you, not irritated at you, or have to think about the situation first.
No, that doesnt mean Im going to ignore you.

But again, I am not trying to make you feel guilty, but this is how I see things for right now.

I will try to make things work, I will try to make things better...
But I will, and always will still have my feelings.


This probably made you smile at one point of time, and after reading more and more, your smile probably faded away...
Im sorry.
I always want to make you smile...
I always want to see you happy...
I always want to see you texting people... and when they ask you how your doing...
I always want to see that your doing great...
Because I always want to make you happy.
I always want to text you, but sometimes I dont like texting, or that Im busy...
But even if I am busy, I want you to know, that your still on my mind...
I always want a thousand texts from you, saying goodnight, and trying to get the last word.
I always want to call you,... even if Im in town....
I always want to remember how we made such a huge effort to get online at the same time, just so we could talk when we didnt have our phones...

I just want to make you happier than you have ever been...
I want to make you smile more than any friend could, or any other girl...
I want you to feel higher than you've ever been....

But I feel like im boring sometimes...
all the time...
='(
I want to take you out to the movies, out to dinner,... I want to take you to places you've never been, I want to take you to the most nicest place you've ever seen...
But Im new here... and dont know where anything is at.
If we were in Cali... I could take you to fun places to eat,... I could sneak you into the movies... I could take you to hidden beaches, I could take you to cool tide pool places, we could watch the sunset to rise onto the other side of the world...

I want to make videos of the two of us...
of our lives...
Like old movies...
And watch them over and over when I miss you...
I just want to focus on making things work between me and you...
keeping things good between us...
and making you happy...

Because babe, I dont know what I'd do without you.
You are my life.
my sun, my stars...
And your my memories with new ones to come...

I love you Jared