Bye...

Jared...
I may have fucked up, but so did you. Posting 'time for something new' and 'thinking too much, but its the right thing' and just letting my mind run, without assuring me that nothing was wrong.... was wrong.
This is better for us, and you know it is. I just wish you wouldnt be so immature about who I talk to and such. Not talking to me ever again cause I might do a shoot with someone, is beyond childish. That right there just makes me not want to talk anyways.

If you want me back, you only want me back because you dont like the idea of me being with someone else, not that you ACTUALLY want me back... thats how I feel you'd think. Im not saying its true, but thats how I've felt for a long time.

You chose the wrong time to fuck with my head Jared... The morning after the 6th? After I was already having a bad day? Of course Im going to assume the worst.

But I do wish things would have been different.... I wish we could have made it.... If you do love me, I wish you would realize it.... I wish you wouldnt let other people's words get in the way.

We did love each other... well, I hope you loved me...
Because we fought for each other.... I stopped talking to people for you... I ditched my friends because you told me to.... At one point of time, you told people that you would get with me, and that it was your life... not theirs... We argued about little things, but made it through. We cried for each other... I was there when you asked me to be, especially for your dad.
And if fighting for each other isnt love, than i dont know what is...

I just wish I knew what happened the other day... what made you think whatever it was you were thinking. And why all of the sudden... What did I do?
I tried to give you everything I could possibly give you,.... But I guess that wasnt enough =/

I love you Jared, I do.... I really really do.... And I really wish I could fix things with you, but its too late... This is what you want, Im sure....
In a way, this is what I want too... I just didnt feel like I was being treated right... I gave you all my love, but I didnt feel the same feeling. Maybe thats all I'll ever get since I cheated on Derrick... karmas a bitch I guess...
And maybe we are right for each other... And maybe what we're doing now is wrong.... And maybe if we held on a little longer, things would get better, and I wont be such a mess after getting a job, and keeping my mind busy... and maybe I wont be so stressed all the time.
Or.... maybe we'll find someone better, and you will be happier.

But I cant stay here.... not without you. I just cant. I dont see that happening. I dont see us fixing things anymore... I feel that you are too convinced that its not going to work, and.... idk what Im thinking... Maybe im thinking too much, and just overreacting and shouldnt have said anything that night, and maybe you want to work things out too... but I dont feel like you do. And im sure you dont.

Im hoping this is the right thing.... I really am. But it doesnt feel like the right thing.
And if it isnt the right thing... than we're both fucked...
But if it is the right thing, than its the right thing...
But I can not stay... I wont tell you I miss you anymore.... though I always will... always have since Nov.
But I already planned to move back to Oceanside in a few months...
I start work on the 18th, so Im saving up some money to have when I move. IDK how long I'll be in Oceanside,.... idk if I might move to LA or to some other big city, or even back to Denver, which I dont think I will...

I wish to still stay friends.... I dont think we will though... Atleast not now. I'd like to, but I feel like you wouldnt want to.

But on Monday, Im telling my dad about Oceanside.... I know the people Im living with very well, well atleast one, the other I went to school with... hes cool. So if you even would worry about me anymore, dont worry about that.
I will always worry about you... and I'll always think about you im sure. And Im sure I'll always wonder if I made the right choice....
Because arnt you supposed to feel right about making the right choice?
Maybe not right away I guess...
But if you have dought in your mind... If your not sure if its right or not... usually thats your heart telling you something.

Faith doesnt find its way to everyone... not everyone is blessed with making the right choices, or making bad choices, that lead to good choices... Sometimes people make a bad choice, and nothing good comes out of it... Sometimes we make the choices we shouldnt have made...

But hopefully this was the right choice.... hopefully something good will come out of this for the both of us. I wish things were different, or we could have made it.... but all I can wish for now, is that this is the right choice.... Because I dont want to end up being with someone Im not supposed to be with... and I dont want you to end up being with someone your not supposed to be with.
That dream of us in the taxi, where we made the wrong choices, and it was too late... Sometimes it makes me wonder if it means something... or if its just my head thinking.


Well, Im typing too much. I only wanted to tell you that I am moving.... and I hope that we both made the right choice... and that I love you...
And I always will...
And I'll always be here for you, as long as you let me.
So this is goodbye I guess....

Love,
Mouse....