Save a Life

I dont know what i've done except used my words in a bad way.... But what else have I done wrong?
Why are you doing this to me?
Is this like an experiment?
How many people does this experiment happen to?
I've asked for forgiveness so many times...
I've asked for things to get better for me AND for everyone else.
I've lived here and there, and nowhere.
How much longer are you going to push me?
When does it stop to prove that I can stand my ground?
I try and help people, but maybe thats not how its supposed to go.
Maybe Im supposed to go to someone for help...
But either way, those people push me away, or leave me on their own.... to be all alone.
Even if I do have someone to save me,... its not for life.
Everyone I get close to just fades away.
What else do you want from me?
What is it that you want me to do?
Are you TRYING to kill me?
Is this a sign to die?
Well,... what are you waiting for?
Or do you want me to go to hell? Are you waiting for me to do it myself?
Maybe I am a horrible person. I've hit, sure, I've yelled, threatened, bitched,....
I never made my mom happy while she was dying...
You saw my life from day one.
'This girl, born september 2nd, 1989..... she'll be an awful person when she is older'
Maybe my palm reader was right....
That I'll walk into an office one day, and Kill someone.
She was able to read my other stuff just perfectly right, and it wasnt all palm stuff....
She could read off of a necklace someone gave me, she never met him, yet she was able to tell me all about him.
I thought today,... that if I didnt have Jared or my Dad,... what type of person would I be?
What than would be holding me back?
I'd go insane by now.
I would do anything.....
But sometimes.......


I dont know what to do anymore.